With my biological clock ticking, I decided to have a baby on my own

(Jul. 05, 2010)--A wave of sadness washed over me one day in 2004 as I was driving to work. I pulled over to the curb, dialed my boss and asked for a day off. I was mourning the end of my seven-year marriage and with it, I feared, my plans to be a mother.

I was in my mid-30s, and figured odds were slim that I'd be able to get back "out there," meet the right person and get married again before my biological clock stopped ticking. But then, it hit me:

I can be a mom on my own.

Within days, I had set a deadline. If I wasn't in a relationship with "the one" by the time I was 38, I'd start looking for a sperm bank.

And that's what happened.

Now, it appears, I'm part of a trend that's going mainstream, dubbed "single motherhood by choice." Hollywood has caught on, with Jennifer Lopez, Tina Fey and Jennifer Aniston starring in movies as women in similar situations. North Carolina's largest fertility clinics, which include Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte (REACH) and the North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine in the Triangle, say they're seeing increases in single female clients. Both now say nearly 1 in 10 of their patients is a single woman.

Recent statistics show 40 percent of babies are now born to single moms; there's no reliable number for how many of those are single by choice rather than chance. But it appears certain that "choice moms" are a fast-growing category.

I'm hoping that telling my story might help others - unpartnered parents who need support raising their children, and children who need to know that every form of family is valid.

A minority of Americans these days live in the traditional view of a nuclear family. One census measure found less than 25 percent of households consist of a mother, father and their biological children.

I started mentioning single motherhood to family and friends not too long after I made the decision. Some doubted I knew what I might be in for. (But really, what parent, single or married, truly knows what they're getting into?)

Everyone was generally supportive of the idea, in theory. And then, after several years of dating didn't lead to a serious relationship, it became clear that the idea was moving from theory to reality.

My family realized I was serious when, in the summer of 2008, my beach-reading books were "Choosing Single Motherhood," by Mikki Morrissette (mandatory reading for anyone considering this choice), and "Knock Yourself Up," by Louise Sloan (a title every bit as self-explanatory as you think).

I wrestled in particular with the daddy issue. This decision has nothing to do with devaluing fathers. Having a child within a marriage was my first choice, but that didn't work out. There are many men in my life - my father, stepfather, three brothers, and many more extended family members and friends - who will be men in my daughter's life, too.

Some critics say single moms like me are selfish for depriving their children of fathers. I've done the research, and I'm confident that the quality of parenting is more important than the quantity of parents. My goal in this is to make a positive contribution to the world - create and raise someone who I believe will make a positive impact on others.

As Morrissette writes: "A home without a father is not the same as a home without values."

How I went about it

And now to the part you really want to know about: The sperm...Read more

Source: CharlotteObserver.com

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/07/05/1541154/im-a-single-mother-by-choice.html